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Cowmentary: Kobe Beef cows

September 23, 2010


Dear Japan Times,

I found your Aug. 26 article called “All for the Love of Tajima Cows” very disturbing. This article claims that the legacy of the Kobe cows getting moosages and drinking beer is basically a big, fat lie. We also take offense to the quote by Yoshinori Nakanishi, a Kobe farmer who says, “Neither I nor any beef farmer I know would ever dream of giving cows beer.” It’s quite offensive to the bovine imbibing population to be told that we should not enjoy a beer just as much as people do. Especially when you consider our stressful lives and the sacrifices we’ll have to make in the future, if you can call a couple years before the chopping block a future. We believe that drinking plenty of beer is highly recommendable for cows, despite the fact that many of us already have large beer bellies.

The article further attempts to praise the Kobe cows by calling them “champion beasts,” which seemed a bit over the top to us. Why use the derogatory “beast” when “Champion bovines” would have sufficed? We’re fun-loving, docile cows after all.

Nakanishi goes on to say, “They [Tajima cows] are kept in peak health; given a natural, organic diet; and, when compared to some other beef farms, their life is relatively stress free. It’s doubtful that alcohol, massage and music could add anything to that.” Ha! We feel this quote just further degrades cattle. Of course we enjoy alcohol, moossage, and moosic, basic tenets of mental health.

We offer this video as proof:

I’m hankering for some of the bubbly stuff right now after singing all night with my barn mates “100 bottles of beer on the wall.”

Furthermore, Swallow, who recently made the Guinness World Record book for smallest cow in the world, is known to love contemporary moosic. She also loves Guinness.

False rumors only stereotype cows as dumb animals who couldn’t enjoy a few luxuries now and then. So let’s not be cowards!

We encourage all people to abide by the rules of Ushido (牛道), the way of the cow, which stipulates that all cows be treated with fairness and compassion and that they are entitled to the pleasure of a cold beer now and then.

Dazey May and the herd at Humor-Us Guide to Japan, BOVINIA

One Comment leave one →
  1. September 24, 2010 7:38 pm

    No one does that to me…Moooooooooooo!!! But I guess they can’t sell me for 5 dollars a pound either..

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